


Beneath Stars and Suns

by AchillesWrites



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Cerberus (Mass Effect) - Freeform, Mass Effect 2, Other, Paragade (Mass Effect), Sole Survivor (Mass Effect), Spacer (Mass Effect), There's no smutt, Vanguard (Mass Effect), unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:22:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29602410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AchillesWrites/pseuds/AchillesWrites
Summary: Come Horizon; Seeing Kaidan again. Jane Shepard has some thinking to do as she continues her work with destroying the Collectors and finding out their base of operations. She doesn’t align with Cerberus nor their Ideals. In truth; She’s using them to get back at them for those heinous crimes all those years ago. Can she admit to herself that she was wrong? That trusting them is the worst idea? Only time will tell. She needs to overcome her doubts about herself and those around her. She is Shepard after all.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko / Female Shepard (mentioned), Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard





	Beneath Stars and Suns

**Author's Note:**

> It's been about 2ish years since I've last written a fic but I need to get the gears turning again. 
> 
> Unbetaed

“Three hours till we hit the Omega 4 Relay, Commander.” Joker’s voice came over the intercom with his usual tone. After all of this work- their losses at Freedom’s Progress- at Horizon. They were finally on their way to destroy the Collectors. It had been a long road; gathering Allies; anyone that would listen to them But- they did not come out unscathed. 

Shepard- the legendary Spectre of the council had died years prior; spaced by the very things that they were sent to destroy now. It’s been two years since Saren and Sovereign; the geth following that lone reaper blindly. Cerberus rebuilt her from the ground up- keeping her as she was and yet- it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. 

The woman in question was sitting on the couch in her quarters; her normally bunned hair was loose and wild around her face. The deep red strands seemed to be a bit brighter in the dim lighting of the quarters. Emerald eyes were focused on the data pad in front of her, reading a message from Hackett. 

**About Arrival**

Shepard, 

I know you must be busy with your mission and our little chat on the Normandy helped me understand the situation that you’re in. I’ll repeat myself because knowing you; you’d just bury it deep down and never think about it again. 

What you did in Batarian Space; destroying the Alpha Relay. You did that because you had to. It was either let the colony fall or have Reapers breathing down our necks. I know you’re the type to want to save everyone but even you realize that you had to make the hard call. In your report you stated that you tried warning the colony but even you knew that it was helpless. Evacuations wouldn’t have helped; not when there was less than an hour to get off world and away. 

It was nice to see you kid; you’ve made us proud so far with what you’ve done in the terminus systems. I can’t officially say this of course but I wanted you to know that you’re doing the right thing. Just remember, Cerberus doesn’t own you. You’re still human, Alliance at the core. When you get back from where you are now, we’ll do our best to ensure that the Batarians don’t get their hands on you after this. 

Take care Shepard and please, no more suicide runs after this; alright kid?

\--Hackett.

A fond smile was brought forth on the woman's lips; that mission- was not an easy one to decide. Killing thousands in the hope to delay the Reapers in some form or fashion. It was a long shot with all things considered. She knew once- IF they returned; She would face the music back on Earth for her actions with Cerberus and the destruction of the Alpha relay. 

Jane continued to go through her messages; finally catching up on what she had ignored for a few days but one message was always unread. It was from Kaidan; just after they had met on Horizon. Perhaps it was time to mark this one message as read, it’s not like he wanted to trust her after what he saw- how could he? She was the love of his life, she died and got brought back. How could someone move on from that?

A quiet sigh left the woman’s lips as she finally opened the message, raising her wine filled glass to her lips. She still adored Kaidan but even she would admit that working for Cerberus- it wasn’t a good look on her. Not when the Citadel was calling her the ‘disgraced Commander Shepard’. What a bunch of bureaucratic bullshit. She saved the council’s ass and each time- they’ve only used her for their own wants and needs. They say that they want a united front but, denying the Reaper Sovereign; the Geth incursion- Saren. If no one will listen to her then and won’t now- then she’ll just raise hell and make more of a stink. Someone’s bound to come by and see what’s up with all the noise.

Taking a steadying breath, Shepard finally opened the message that she’s been ignoring for the past few days. 

**About Horizon…**

Shepard, 

I’m sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I’d finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?

Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess i really don’t know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me… maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years that I can’t just put that aside. 

But please be careful. I’ve watched too many people close to me die -- on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn’t bear it if I lost you again. If you’re still the woman I remember, I know you’ll find a way to stop these Collector Attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself. 

When things have settled down a little… maybe… I don’t know. Just take care

\-- Kaidan

“I’m still me. Cerberus doesn’t have control of what I say or do Kaidan.” She whispered, putting down the Data pad and looking up at the ceiling of her quarters. “Like I said on Horizon. I’m still me, that much hasn’t changed. But this? I have to play along until the Collectors are dealt with.” Jane shook her head before letting out a sigh and placing her glass on the table; laying back on the cushions. “After this- We’re heading back to earth. It won’t be pretty but I have a lot to answer to. I’m not going to run from what I did, I just hope it’s enough.” That was her one main fear; that everything she did was enough. Most of the time; to the higher ups- it was never enough. They’d doubt her decisions with her team, with the people flying the Normandy. 

It’s always been one thing after another- every little thing had been picked apart before being spat on and acted like it was nothing- why? What was the purpose of that? To try and prove that she wasn’t a born leader? That because of her gender that a man could do it better? She didn’t ask to be like this. She didn’t ask to be born in Space, growing up on ships. She didn’t ask to be the last one standing on Akuze. She didn’t ask to be gifted with the warnings that the Prothean beacon gave her.    


There were days where she just wanted to be a normal person- not some hero or savior to humanity. She just wanted to be Jane. An Alliance Navy soldier who would stop at nothing to ensure that those less fortunate were protected and safe from harm. She wasn’t in this for the glory of commanding a ship; She wanted to help people; no matter their race or person. That wasn’t too hard right? 

A hand reached up and ran down her face, how much more did she have to prove to those around her? How much blood, sweat, and tears did she have to give to make someone notice? There were- too many questions and not enough answers unfortunately. She was tired. Tired of proving herself to those who didn’t care, tired of having to play nice with the other races when sometimes- she just wanted to say fuck it. 

“They may have given the Normandy back to me but they don’t control me. Nor will they ever control me. If I have to prove it to everyone because of this? Then fine. I know what Cerberus has done in the past and truth be told. I’m not going to pretend that they’re nice. If I have to prove myself over and over again- to those who want to look down at me. Fine. 

But no one will steal my soul, my allegiance, or my ideals. They will never replace me.” 

To her? That was simply facts. Something that couldn’t be erased by the likes of the Illusive man nor the Alliance. She was a daughter of the stars and the lone survivor of Akuze. If people weren’t going to listen to her out right? Well- she’ll make them listen. 

“But first- We need to take out the Collectors and make sure that they NEVER hurt anyone again.” A hand reached back and scratched the side of her neck; turning off her datapad and standing up. Her shoulder popped as she gently rolled the sore joint, the last mission had nearly torn off her shoulder guard. Damn Blue Suns.

The Commanding officer made her way up the steps and into her bathroom; taking a much needed shower. Once out, she made her way to the dresser; putting on her suit’s black mesh. It was a comforting feeling when she finished pulling up the zipper and made her way to the armory on the deck below her. 

She ignored the looks from the crew; especially since she didn’t bother to put her hair up into its usual bun. She ignored Jacob as she reached for her N7 armor; putting on each piece with care and attentiveness. There was a time where she cared about how she looked in front of her crew, how she’d present herself to them. 

But now? She didn’t give enough of a shit. If the council wanted to pretend that she didn’t exist well- who was she to argue with their ‘wise’ judgement. With her gauntlets the last thing to be faceted to the shoulder plating, Jane grabbed her helmet before making her way down to the common area; only stopping at the starboard observatory and entering. 

She didn’t speak to Samara as she simply sat down next to the older Asari and looked out of the window; watching as the stars passed them by. Shepard placed her helmet in front of her legs and took a calming few breaths; wanting to quell her racing heart. 

“Shepard.” Samara started, still sitting in her usual lotus position and looking out towards the very same stars. “I do not know what is going through that head of yours but- let me tell you now. There is not one person on this ship that believes that you can not destroy the Collectors and their base. We have come too far to stop now and I doubt that the Collectors will give us a moment to catch our breath.”   
  
“Ah… so- what should I do then?” It was a loaded question, strands of deep red hair fell into Jane’s face as she tilted her head down to simply stare at the metallic floor beneath her. 

“You fight Shepard. Keep proving people wrong and they will come around to listen. They might not believe you now but- in due time they will learn that going against you is something that they don’t wish to repeat. This galaxy is fragile and truth be told- the Reapers can destroy us all if we aren’t united on all fronts. I believe that you can do that Jane. You have a history that no one in this world can deny or take away from you. You mold the galaxy into something that you want or need. You’re someone who turns the tide in a war; the one spark that is to ignite a rebellion or a call to action. You hold the wrath of civilizations that are far older than the Asari.” The Justicar moved her gaze to the smaller human beside her; taking in how the body straightened up and shoulders were squaring. 

“Use your abilities and trust in your companions. We will see this mission through and live to tell the tale.”

Shepard simply nodded and reached back, tying her hair back and up into its usual messy bun.

“Thanks Samara.”

“Any time Shepard.” 

With those final words, Shepard got to her feet, grabbing her helmet and making her way to the helm of the ship to sit with Joker and watch the Normandy go through the Omega 4 Relay. 

To Jane, this was only the beginning. A turning point for her and the crew around her. It was time to bring the fight to the collectors. They had one angry Vanguard to answer to.


End file.
